Sale Shoes
Recently I wore a pair of shoes for the second and final time. I fell on my way out of the dentist and hit the sidewalk so hard that my eyes teared up. I took the shoes off, got up and walked two blocks to Union Square in my socks. At Macy’s I rode the escalator in my stocking feet up to the fourth floor where I bought a pair of hot pink Chuck Taylors, low-top.
When recounting my fall to my husband (who barely let me get past the part about hitting the sidewalk at full-force and straining my neck), he interrupted and asked:
“Were they sale shoes?”
When spoken, it sounds as if the shoes are nautical — maybe white canvas or Topsiders, something with a light sole that won’t scar sailboat decks. When read on the page it is obvious that these shoes were purchased at discount. They are sale shoes. Ted knew the signs immediately. I bought a pair of shoes I otherwise wouldn’t have purchased because they were cheap, and I made up the difference in price with bodily injury. I wouldn’t pay full price for shoes I can’t walk in, but for that price — I’ll learn to walk in them.
Sale shoes are never what you want them to be. They’re pinchy or too wide. They have a tacky buckle that you’re going to cut off some day or they’re perfect except they’re purple. Years ago my husband owned a pair of yellow Adidas with red accents. No one walks into a store looking for yellow and red retro trainers but someone who likes a bargain will leave the shop with a pair. I’m not judging. But one night we were at a party and a guy pointed to Ted and asked if he was wearing his sale shoes.
One pair of my sale shoes was a teal-colored felt wedge with a sweetheart peep-toe. Felt! Also purchased on sale: the could-be stripper shoes. They are pink and white patent spectator pumps in a Mary Jane style with spike heels. Are they naughty or are they nice? They are confusing and uncomfortable. A pair of geometric-soled platform sandals were too tight but the box they came in is the perfect fit for our extra juice glasses. You’d think I’d learn, but when the pair of three inch wedges from my favorite brand popped up on the sales rack, I bit.
Three-inch heels are really getting up there for a woman who’s feet are all of eight inches long. That’s a Size 7. The most worn pair of shoes in my wardrobe has a 2 inch heel and that missing inch is crucial for walkability. Ankle straps increase stability but these latest sale shoes have no such safety devices. I thought brand loyalty could get me over the 3 inch hump to being One Of Those Girls in high heels. Instead I got a bruised knee.
When shoes fit and look fabulous, I wear them often. The shoes I have gotten the most value from are the shoes that I have worn until extinction. My sales shoes are all relatively new-looking, mocking me from the closet until I finally admit they’re never going to happen and give them to charity. This latest pair were so snazzy I sold them at Buffalo Exchange for close to cost. Who knows, maybe they were purchased by One Of Those Girls in heels. Or maybe some Size 7 is cursing having wasted money on a pair of barely worn black wedges.
sigh sigh and sigh again. first off, dang! are you ok? secondly, i have so many stories like this i wouldn’t know where to begin. so let me start with my last ridiculous purchase (online, yes). i love carlos santana shoes - ok sometimes they border on garish but me like pretty shiny things, so i often go there. my fave shoe is the Pounce and as they sell for 120 or whatever, i was always on ebay looking for em at a discount. found a gorgeous pair - pewter, cracked leather look..stunning. Size? 6 1/2 which is what I wear sometimes. Unfortunately, I should have gotten a 7. They are peep toe and I thought that would take care of any oversize. So not the case. I can wear them for about 17 minutes before I lose all sensation in my toes. I wore them to a play the other day and even though i was SITTING DOWN, i still lost sensation. Things were not helped by the fact that I put some ball of foot cushion things in which I thought would add comfort but instead only added bulk which led to previously stated foot numb-ation. But it doesn’t end there. Oh no, because I saw a pair of Pounce in Leopard on ebay the other day. That’s right Leopard and they were only 20! 20 dollars!! Soooooooooo fabulousity. Size? 6 1/2. Expect future comments to be delivered from chiropractors office…in flats (well, ok maybe a kitten heel)
I wish i could take credit for the expression but of course it was a sassy gay friend who spied yellow and red adidas sneakers I was wearing one day who straight away asked if they were sale shoes.